Art of conscious self-development

Personal development • Self-Coaching

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Turn “I have to” into “I want to”

Turn “I have to” into “I want to”

Every word you say has a great impact on your emotions and behaviour. Changing the way you speak is a great idea to bring your motivation on.

Through this article I want to offer you a subtle but very significant change. All you have to do is start saying “I want to” instead of “I have to”. Effects will really surprise you. You wanna know, how much?    

Words are connected with certain emotional forms. In order to check that thesis, interesting research was conducted. People were divided into two groups. First group was shown some words such as: war, sadness, anger, jealousy, punishment, disappointment, despair, mourning. Words that carry negative emotions. Whereas the other group read words like: joy, happiness, smile, victory, fulfillment, pride, pleasure.  

After that, both groups were shown pictures of different people. Respondents were supposed to describe their features of character. It turned out that the first group described people in the pictures as stressed, sad, having problems, while the second group described the very same people as happy, joyful, satisfied.  

Every word in your mind is directly connected with an emotion. Words are anchors.  

You can check it by doing an experiment on yourself. Take a three-minute break from reading this article, close your eyes and for all this time keep saying the same words that were read by the second group in the research, to yourself. Words can be repeated. After 3 minutes pay attention to how you feel. Better, isn’t it?

I don’t want to, but I have to?

   

There are two significant sentences, which are very powerful anchors in your life: “I want to” and “I have to”. You probably use these sentences everyday.  

First thing that you should know is that the word “must” is a negative anchor. “Have to” associates with constraint, duty. It creates negative emotions and decreases your motivation everytime you say it.  

Negative tone of “you have to” had been instilled into us by teachers, parents and many other people. They used to say “you have to do it differently”, “you have to learn it” so now it is perceived as a duty or punishment.  

Unlikely to “I have to”, sentence “I want to” causes positive motivation, pleasure and willingness. Things we want are the things we dream of and strive for.  

Second thing you should know is that in fact you don’t “have to” do anything. You have a free will and everything you do, you do because you want to. Even if somebody tells you to tidy your room, you don’t have to do it. If you tidy your room it is beacuse you want to have good relations with that person or you want peace of mind. Or maybe you want to have a clean room :) Anyway, there is always willingness, even if you call it duty. Each of your activities result from your will, not obligation.    

I don’t have to but I want to!

   

It all comes down to one simple thing. Everytime you say “I have to” in your mind, turn it into “I want to”. It will diametrically change your attitude towards everything you do and boost your motivation.  

Just imagine that you have to take out the trash. Change it into “I want to take out the trash”. And? Perfect! We have only changed one sentence and it turned out that taking out the trash is not that bad after all.  

Let’s assume that you are meeting someone. Your relations with that person are no good and you’re unhappy with that meeting. You kepp telling yourself “Eeh, I have to meet with him/her”. Change it into “I want to meet with him/her” and observe what happens with your emotions.  

It’s about how you feel everytime you should do something. You can keep saying “I have to” and feel bad, always lacking motivation. But you can also start saying “I want to” and feel much better and be more motivated.  

You want to form a habit

   

The rule is simple. Each time you say “I have to”, change it into “I want to”. After some time you will form a habit and sentence “I want to” will naturally appear instead of “I have to”.  

There is one thing. In relations with other people sentence “I have to” can be beneficial in some situations. For example, when you want to turn down an invitation for a party it will be easier for you to say “I have to stay at home” rather than “I want to stay at home”. On the other hand, saying “I want to” instead of “I have to” in conversation will make people perceive you as more honest, authentic and trustworthy person.  

The most important thing for you to say is “I want to” to yourself. One simple sentence can change the way you live for better.  

And remember that if you don’t practice it, you won’t learn anything. I suggest you should try it for 3 days. Watch as the change of the word changes your feelings, how it affects your motivation and the quality of your actions, to which the words “want to” refer.



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